


Average is Darkness

by theabridgedkuriboh



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Gen, M/M, Mental Illness, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, This is an AU, if its ooc oh well, there's no killing game bs, this is just a fic to help me vent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:27:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28030902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theabridgedkuriboh/pseuds/theabridgedkuriboh
Summary: Shuichi Saihara weighs in on his impending thoughts of whether or not he's truly important and holds any value. However, he did not know what someone else felt the same way, and was struggling with his own darkness.
Kudos: 4





	Average is Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> If this sucks, oh well. I wrote to vent. It wasn't meant to be a serious story.

It was a day like every other. Uneventful, and boring. School went on without a care. Studies were swift and carefree. Kaito was there for my study session but was more of a motivational coach than an actual tutor. I think he just liked to be there to feel useful, that and he likes to be around people. Even if it's just in silence. He wants to be the center of attention. Reasonable, but still uneventful. I appreciate him for that.

Maki was also involved with us more today. We had met up during the break and ate lunch together. So, it was the three of us this time. Most days she would be alone in the library getting ahead on her assignments or resting on the rooftop taking a nap. It really could go either way with her. Kaito and I would never push her to hang out, but lately, she has started to warm up to us and chat every other day. 

Kaede has been busy with Rantaro for the last few weeks so I haven’t seen her in a while, but we call and text each other every once in a while. She’s been preparing for another recital across the country, so she’s been very excited, but also very nervous to play for new people. So Rantaro has been there with her to practice and listen to her play. I wanted to watch her play as well, but I have my own plate of things as well, and unfortunately do not have the time to be able to watch all of her practices. So I try to swing by every once in a while to see her progress and wish her well. 

Everyone seems to have something going on in their lives right now. Himiko and Tenko are planning a hot springs trip together with some of the other girls. Korekiyo is preparing a lecture for a university on his Anthropology studies. Gonta is currently working with a large research group to work on a migration plan for a new bug species that is destroying another’s ecosystem. Miu is accepting an award for her latest invention in spyware. Everyone seems to be doing something quite exciting. 

But what about me? Where am I? Who is Shuichi Saihara? A rookie detective who can only solve problems after the worst has happened. A student of average intellect. I’m no better at Japanese history than anyone else. I can’t talk to most people without offending them in some way. What’s great about me? 

“Why do you need to be special?” 

Huh? 

I looked over at Kaito who was lounging with his feet on the table we were occupying. Arms over his head, he stares at the ceiling as he spoke, “If everyone were special, then no one would stand out. We’d all be a bunch of suckers putting each other down about the things that we CAN’T do over the things that we CAN do. We need average people around us to be able to show off just how incredible they are without worrying about their talents. Don’t you understand, Shuichi?” 

Kaito…? I smile. Average is incredible, huh? I guess when he puts it like that I can’t help but agree. 

“You’re right. Thanks, Kaito.” 

Kaito sits up and puts an arm over my shoulders, pulling me closer. “No problem, bro. Just remember, a lot of people rely on you. So, you gotta look on the brighter side of things. Don’t let things get to you. You have me: Kaito Momota, Luminary of the Stars.” 

Kaito has been there for me since the beginning of our time here at Hope’s Peak Academy. He was the one to help me see the light, and pull me out of my darkness. I will always be grateful to him. 

I look up at the clock and see that it’s almost five o'clock. I pack up my things and Kaito gets up to stretch. I offer to stop by the convenience store on the way home, and Kaito gets excited. 

“Alright! Late-night junk. I’ve been craving ice cream.” 

“You don’t seem like the kind of guy to get excited over something like that, Kaito.” 

“Of course! You have to enjoy the little things, man. Even you can get excited over getting a corner store popsicle in the early evening.” 

I guess so. Kaito was always an optimist. Even at his lowest points. 

When we arrived at the corner store, we saw the last person we would expect to be coming out. 

“Oh, hey Shumai. What brings you here at this lovely hour?” 

Kokichi Ouma. I can’t exactly say that we’re friends. But we do talk occasionally. We even have each other’s numbers, but I don’t particularly choose to talk with him on my own. He just messages me every once in a while, wanting to chat about nothing. Even sending me odd selfies of him in random places. I could never read him that well. 

“Hello, Kokichi. What brings you here?” 

“Are you here for a late-night snack too?” Kaito tries to look into Kokichi’s bag but Kokichi quickly moves it away and out of sight. He looks at Kaito with cautious eyes but says nothing to him in retort. 

“Clearly. But you don’t need to know that, space boy.” 

“Why you…?” Kaito clenches a fist and glares angrily, but I hold a hand up to hold him back. Kokichi is acting differently than usual. He’s a lot more aggressive when it comes to Kaito. He would usually fight back much harder and tease with more vigor. But today, he seems to be in a bit of a rush, like he doesn’t want to speak much at all. 

“Anyways, if that’s all you have to say. I really need to be going.” Kokichi continues. He looks at me and smiles, “It was good seeing you, Shuichi. Not so much you, Kaito. But I’m glad you brought Shumai.” 

Kaito did not respond. And neither could I as Kokichi picked up his bag, held it close, and ran in the direction of the nearest train. Kaito sighs and scratches his head. “What the hell is with that guy? Always trying to start something.” 

“Let’s just focus on the reason we came here,” I reassure him, giving him a reassuring glance. 

He held his closed fists in his usual power stance and grins. “Hell yeah! Of course, I wouldn’t forget. I’m going in, you should come in too, Shuichi.” 

Kaito went in ahead. I turned back in the direction Kokichi went before following Kaito inside. He was already by the freezers, struggling to decide which popsicle to buy. He slowly grabbed multiple kinds, unsure which to get. I felt my wallet slowly thinning as Kaito never pays for his snacks. As his “sidekick” I would usually have to cover for him. I never minded. 

It was for Kaito after all. 

It was almost seven when I returned home. I decided to prepare a small dinner before washing up. I look around my kitchen for ingredients and decide to prepare a simple curry dish. As I prepare the vegetables, I hear my phone vibrating across the room. 

Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. 

Notification after notification. I do my best to ignore it. No doubt it's Kaito messaging me about something he saw on his way home. Or about the homework, we were supposed to do together but he slacked off on it. I continued to chop at the vegetables and prepare the rice. 

Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. 

But the notifications continued. One after another. I set the rice to cook and go to retrieve my phone. But when I looked at the screen and saw who had been contacting me, my heart raced unexpectedly. 

“Kokichi…” 

2 missed calls and 22 text messages in the last few minutes. Normally, he would only send me a single message or two and then leave me on read. Like he was teasing me or something. But this time was different. It felt almost frantic. 

What could he be after? 

I unlock my phone and open my messages. Tons of messages come up from Kokichi. And my heart drops in the pit of my stomach. 

Kokichi: Shuichi!! Hey Shuichi?!

Kokichi: Hey!!! You ignoring me or something :(

Kokichi: That’s so mean, Shumai ‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

Kokichi: …

Kokichi: I guess you really aren’t going to answer, huh? 

Kokichi: I should have known, I mean it’s me who's texting you anyway. 

Kokichi: Alright, since you won’t see this anyway, I guess spill it. 

Kokichi: I didn’t actually want to see you earlier. That was a lie. Seeing your face completely ruined my plans. Are you proud, Shuichi Saihara? 

Kokichi: Are you happy that your face brings me so much happiness? That on my way to the train I hid in an alleyway and choked back tears at the sight of your stupid fucking face!

Kokichi: And you were hanging out with Kaito of all people. Cool! Rub it in my face of how happy you are, and the friends that you have. 

Kokichi: We could have been great friends, Shumai. I wanted that more than anything. 

Kokichi: But who knows if that’s really true. I could just be lying. You know, cuz I’m a liar. 

Kokichi: …

Kokichi: Whatever…

Kokichi: This is stupid.

Kokichi: ...I really wanted you to answer, Shuichi. 

Kokichi: Why couldn’t you answer the phone. I wanted to hear your voice so badly before…

Kokichi: That doesn’t matter. Forget it. 

Kokichi: You know, I love you, Shuichi. I love you, so so much. I really do. And that’s not a lie. 

Kokichi: I just can’t wait anymore. I already know what I need to do. 

Kokichi: ...So, this is goodbye.

I quickly read over the text messages. What is he talking about? What is this all of a sudden? Goodbye? Love? What the hell is going on? 

I do what I wouldn’t usually do. I call Kokichi. The phone rings, and rings, and rings. As I was about to lose hope that he would answer, the line picks up. 

“...Shumai…” 

“Kokichi! What’s going on? Why did you message me all of that? What’s going on?” 

Kokichi remains silent. I can hear him moving around in the background. Creaking floorboards and sharp breathing. What was he doing? I heard something scrape against the floor. 

“Kokichi?!” 

“Shuichi. I didn’t lie about what I said.” 

“You said a lot of things. Kokichi, what is going on?” 

He took a deep breath, and some more silence passed. 

“You know people avoid me at school, and just out in general. They say “Something’s wrong with him? He’s crazy. Don’t go near him.” I hear those people. I hate those people. They don’t understand me at all, Shuichi. This world is cruel and heartless. That’s how you survive here. Nothing is fair, I know that far too well. But, it still hurts. I don’t care about those people. I really don’t. They mean nothing to me. But,

“When you start to say those things. You agree with them. You see me as the nuisance I surely am. I feel my heartache. And I want to rip you away from them and say, “No, that’s not right. I’m surely something else. I would never be worthless with you, Shuichi.” but the more I thought about it, the more despair I felt. From you leaving me on read, and your tone of voice towards me, especially when you’re around others. You speak as if I’m the dirt under your shoe. Truly, a terrible thing to do. But I never once gave up on you, Shuichi. I love you the most.” 

I can hear Kokichi’s voice getting softer as he talks through his sobs. It felt like someone was squeezing my chest. 

“You know? I’ve been so lonely, Shuichi. Even Gonta hasn’t been able to hang out with me. He’s surrounded by disgusting bugs in who the fuck knows where living life. And I’m here, all alone in the darkness of my own home. No one to greet me. No one to greet me at school. No one cares about me. But you, you have tons of friends. People love you. You’re needed.”

“Kokichi, why are you telling me all of this? What are you planning to do?” 

I don’t like this. He’s being much more...genuine than usual. His true thoughts and feelings. That’s not like him. The Kokichi that I know would lie and tease, and spit venom as long as he could for as long as he was able until he felt cornered. 

Did something happen to him? 

“Living in the darkness really fucks up your head, Shuichi. You start to hear voices. And those voices tell you things. Ugly, despicable things. That you’re better off dead. The world would be a little brighter with me gone. That Shuichi Saihara would have a stress free, beautiful life without the bothersome Kokichi Ouma. And it hurts. I know they’re wrong. But holy shit, they’re so loud. So fucking loud. I normally wouldn’t give two shits about it at all and go on with my life without a care in the world. But lately, the darkness has been extra heavy lately. And everyone seems to be extra malicious towards me lately. So, it’s only natural that I start to listen, you know?” 

I couldn’t speak. I was just speechless. I never knew Kokichi felt this way. I had always assumed he was just cocky and was always on top of the world. Like the ruler of his own universe. But this…

“I don’t know if you’re still there or not, Shuichi. But just know this, my world was always a little brighter when I was with you. Talking. Fighting. Just being in the same room together. I lived for it. Craved it. You fought back against me in a different way than the others. You tried to understand me through our battles. But the others. The others didn’t care. They only saw what they wanted to see. And that’s fine. It doesn’t matter anymore. The world has won.” 

I heard something rustle in the background, followed by something unexpected.

“Shuichi, just remember that only one who can kill me-”

His voice stopped suddenly, followed by a loud thumping, and something falling to the floor. It sounded heavy. I can hear him struggling in the background. 

“Kokichi! Hey, Kokichi!” 

The line was still active, but his voice remained silent. 

I left the house and headed towards Kokichi’s home. I called the police on the way there and informed them of what I had heard and they sent someone over to check it out. As I made my way there, I prayed deep down that this was another one of his cruel lies. 

But it wasn’t. 

Upon arriving at his home, I see a swarm of cop cars in front of his home, and multiple policemen surrounding his home, discussing the incident. I push past them all in a frantic sprint. I ran through his front door, not even bothering to remove my shoes. I search for his room until I’m met with reality. 

Kokichi was hanging by his neck in the middle of his room. The step ladder lays on the floor. His cell phone, a few feet away, cracked and no longer in the call, his last screen was our text history. His face was distorted into a painful expression. His face was stained with tears. And his hands hand fresh wounds from the rope around his neck. 

We were just speaking only minutes ago. And now…

I resist the urge to vomit. I hold a hand over my heart and look away. The police officers escort me out of the house and tell me not to step foot inside again, that I could have tampered with the scene. I did not fight back, but instead, sat on the ground outside of his house and thought about his words. 

If I could guess what he would have said to finish off his final statement it would have been: 

“...just remember that the only one that can kill me is me.”

Everyone is fighting their own darkness. This really opened my eyes to that. No one is an open book. Everyone is hiding something. 

But it's too late to look back and regret the past. I’m sure Kokichi would mock me for being so gloomy. But,

“I’m sure even he would be happy if someone cried for him,” I say softly as tears fall from my eyes. 

If I had known. If I had spoken to him more. If I hadn’t been so cruel to him. Then maybe…

My phone begins to ring in my pocket and I slowly reach for it. I check the caller id before answering. 

“Hey, Kaito…” 

“Shuichi! Where are you, man? I heard what happened…” 

I felt the weight hit harder than before and I let everything out. Sobbing into the phone, and Kaito stayed with me and listened. Waiting.


End file.
